A roller coaster of emotions….
Let’s be honest. Emotions during a job search are like a roller coaster. Whether you’ve been laid off, fired or are just apprehensive about your job security, you are feeling afraid. After all, if any of those situations exist, they impact your income. And a loss of income can bring terror to all aspects of a women’s life.
And what if you have been fired from a position, as the best of us have or had your company restructured or downsized? These events can bring about feelings of shame. Should we feel shame? Of course not! But these thoughts are real and some women just like you are dealing with them every day as they try to find the next rung on the ladder of their careers.
So it seems we women find ourselves under siege during this time. Feelings of fear and shame lock arms with frustration and the outcome is anger. You find yourself mad at everyone and everything! Is there a way to get control, have some say during your job search?
Yes, there is.
Ask yourself this….what do you really need to be happy in your next job?
In order to get control, you must have clear ideas. Clear ideas of what you want and don’t want in your next job. Make a list. Ask yourself this…what do you really need to be happy in your next job? Or better yet, what do you want to accomplish? Most of us will have a tough time identifying what our own dream job actually is. As the saying goes, some of us still don’t know what we want to be when we grow up. So, when we try to detail what we want in our “perfect” job, the list includes the usual stuff: more money, better position, shorter commute, nice boss, doing something that can make a difference in the world. And let’s not forget the highly sought after “flexible hours.” All of these are pretty generic and unimaginative.
But almost all of us know what we don’t want.
So, when you start your list, begin with what you don’t want. And don’t sit down and make your list. Instead, carry a spiral notebook with you while you clean the house, walk the dog or wait for the kids at the bus stop, jotting thoughts down as they come to you. Our brain has a certain process it needs to go through to help us work through things. When you have exhausted identifying what you don’t want in your next position, use those criteria to create the list of what you do want, by considering the opposites. Carry your spiral notebook with you for a week and then sit down and review your list. You will be amazed and how clear your needs, ideas, hopes and dreams will be identified!
I don’t feel like I’m worth it….
It is important during this time to recognize that, as women, our identities don’t really come from our job, our home or our cars. We women are relationship driven. So why not benefit from those relationships? Ask for help during your job search. For some reason, while we will ask for directions or ideas for a recipe, or stop another gal on the elevator where she got those great looking three inch pumps, we don't ask for help in looking for a job. For some reason to do that makes us feel weak. We have conditioned ourselves in the workplace not to appear “needy”. In the workplace we must be self-sufficient. To ask for assistance makes us feel we are imposing. Some of us may believe that we aren’t worth it. Or then again that people really don't care. If you have felt like this either part or all of your life, realize that you must do something different to break out of this pattern of thinking. Because once you overcome that fear of asking for help with your job search, you will be amazed how many people will jump in to help you. Take a deep breath, and just ask.
And keep in mind that to make a change in your life, you must change how you act and react. If we don't make those changes, we usually end up in the same place where we started. It helps if you surround yourself with positive people that believe in you. This can give you huge boost in your confidence. Seek those people out. If some of your friends or family are negative, don't hang around with them.
“The Secret”, “Power of Positive Thinking”, and “Affirmations” are all wonderful tools to help us think about our futures and project the outcomes that we want. But as women it is a good idea to walk through just what the worst case scenario might be in our situation. Acknowledge our worst fears. Because as women, once we confront our fears, dealing with the issues at hand becomes achievable.
It is also helpful to remember that in all stages of our lives there is always someone better off than we are and someone that is in a worse situation. With this in mind, feeling grateful, even in our current circumstances, becomes very easy.
Hunting for a job is a challenge. Bottom line, remember, you are not a victim. You can gain control of your life during this time. Try different ideas until you find something that works for you. Getting your head around the hurdles, will help you find success!
